down on my luck.

17.October.2009(On a Saturday)
12.07am on 16 October

I need a lucky charm

I'm seriously down on my luck recently. I need a lucky charm or a tailsman. HAHAHHA! I hope there's really a remote control so i can be in control of my life. Just like the movie "CLICK".

I want to be in control of the following:
-My destiny
-4D number
-My gender. (i want to be a male so i can break all the girls' heart. That's evil)
-My mum's mouth (Sexy lips but very naggy)
-The people that work with me

For now that's about all. HAHAH!

*updated

I used to cry alot. Whenever i lose someone i cry, whenever i think i'm losing someone i cry, whenever i get into a fight with someone i cry, when i'm worried i cry. Now i think i shouldnt cry anymore. I tried to hold my tears for one last time. I tell myself to not cry anymore. Crying does not help. I realised it makes my heart hurts so badly that it feels like it has been smashed. But for once i should give a pat to myself for not crying and to be able to hold back. I'm so weak, i really want to be strong. I can never change anything in life by crying. Finally i understand. I used to cry everyday but life still goes on. God is so kind to give us a chance to meet. Be it lovers or friends. The memories that we created and always kept. I thank god. Everything happen for a reason. Though i might not know why is god doing this now, maybe 1 day i will be able to accept and realised this whole thing is for my own good. The memories he gave me is so deep i doubt i will ever forget in life. The love we once shared is a whimsical feeling that only appears in fairy tales. Indeed a fairy tale come true but where's the happily ever after? And it's really fairy tale we're talking about. We're in reality so happily ever after dont really exist.

-We used to exchange pyjamas
-We used to worry so much for each other
-We used to share everything together
-We used to create every happiness together
-We used to miss each other like crazy when we're overseas
-We used to stroll down Marina keppel bay
-We used to call each other everyday without fail
-We used to take turns to drive each other
-We used to drive each other mad, madly in love
-We used to msg each other even though we're continents apart
-We used to take spastic photos

-I used to call you when i lose my way
-I used to call you when i can't park
-I used to call you to disturb you telling you i'll disturb you for life and you cant run away from me
-I used to stick to you so much
-I used to ask you to help me crack my old pack of bones
-I used to ask you to drive me here and there and you without complaining
-I used to cry at the slightest thing and you always ensuring me
-I used to buy you shampoos, perfumes and everything you need

-You used to bring me breakfast and giving me surprises
-You used to msg me whenever i MIA
-You used to worry whenever i dont msg you
-You used to take care of me whenever i'm sick
-You used to bring me to the doctor every month when i'm so sick and ill
-You used to brew me herbal tea
-You used to drive me here and there to make me happy
-You used to write me letters every month
-You used to bring me to the curry rice store
-You used to accompanying me wherever i go
-You used to disturb me about the meefen man

We used to be together.
But we're no longer.
I can't stop crying.
But it's a fact i can't change.
I'll try to move on.

Random

12.Oct.2009(On a Monday)
1.57am on 11 Oct

Random thoughts and doodles

"When 2 are together, happiness are doubled, sorrows are halfed."

My desktop is back to life.
But i cant download msn.
I know this is random.
But i'm afraid when i type they will turned out to be rubbish and nonsense.
My life is left in bits and pieces.
Geminis has double characters and i see that in myself.
I can be bubbly in the day and emo at night.
I can't tell the difference between happiness and sorrows already.
They seemed the same to me.
Everything is unpredictable.
I'm shot by the reality.
I'm running away.

Random.

Unlucky to the max

2.October.2009(On a Friday)

Real unlucky week

I've really gone through the worst this week. Super screwed up life/work/family etc. My work's really shit. After i went to work yesterday the staffs all came to question me regards to the buyer's mistakes and alot of customers called up and question, my boss called to lecture me of our returns. My collegues called and asked me how to handle the whole situation. I'm completely drained. At that moment i just want to scream. And i didn't even go for breaks, just in case something screwed up again and i'm not there.

"EVERYONE PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK!"

And whenever i have off days, i will visit my grandparents and it's really irritating when both of my grandparents start to complain to me about each other. And start to scold me just because they're beating around the bush to spike the other party. I'm really totally drained. Too many things running until when i become weak and when i withdraw $ from the atm, i forgot to take the cash but luckily i remember and went back and the cash's still there. I forgot this, forgot that. So many things. I worry too much and i think too much. And i'm running away from reality, after yesterday and the entire drama mama, i told my collegues i need a break despite having so many breaks. I need a break to clear my wandering soul. And i went to my grandparents' place and there they are again complaining.

p/s: To be able to live is happiness, but to know how to live is miserable.